Three Johnny Carson Poems

Plaque Depicting a Quail Chick, Unknown, Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period (332–30 BCE)

The parrot in this one can talk

The bird at first was rescheduled

Johnny had bronchitis, could not speak

the parrot she replaced died the night before air

When the bird flies off into the crowd —

I think this is what you call the parrot’s bit —

her handler tells Johnny the bird only chatters

in total silence, that the bird loves water sounds

she fills a glass and the studio quiets for liquid hum

Perched atop her cage, the parrot does not speak

the stage lights make Johnny sweat

and what about her? Perhaps she’s used to it

the heat, the eyes, the greedy hands and mouths

do it now, do it now, speak baby, speak girl

In the audition video her handler made, the bird stands 

in front of a mirror. She says to herself, pretty bird

she invites herself for coffee

she presses her face 

to her glass face and whispers, porridge

her handler echoes behind: say here’s Johnny, here’s Johnny

her belly is blue, she is a pretty bird

Johnny calls her delicious, calls her silence show business

The rooster on Johnny Carson cannot crow

First, he shakes out his wings

like he could take off from the desk

I know this part

sit on a dream

refresh email on the hour

maybe today, maybe today

Johnny wants to know how many,

how many chicks does this rooster get

Johnny wants to know what his flock is like

ask him, says his handler, I really don’t know

the rooster is past his prime

he mostly sits around, you know, roosts

The last time I fell in love

it was because we were a continent apart

really, I lived on one coast and him on the other

until he flew to me, until he took off —

The rooster shits on Johnny’s desk

he used to crow enough each day

to be entered into competitions

once one starts to crow, they seem to answer each other 

the handler says of the bird 

sound named after another

now, he is silent, now he —

I started wanting bigger dreams

I wanted movies, books, writers’ rooms

I wanted to be seen, to be really seen, to be —

A man in my town published a love letter to his wife

he told her grow, he told her, I want the world to know

When they come back from commercial,

the rooster sits on Johnny’s desk

the rooster does what they thought impossible

up goes his red flappy head, his yellowed beak

a rattle, a song, a crow rings out

and Johnny waves his hand

a brief conductor of sound